IGN and Pokemon: from 'too much water' to whatever this is
The Original Review
“Pokemon Legends: Z-A reimagines Lumiose City with impressive scale, though its streamlined approach may leave some trainers wanting more.”
In 2014, IGN reviewed Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. The review famously — and I mean internet-meme-hall-of-fame famously — listed 'too much water' as a con. Not 'the water routes are tedious.' Not 'ocean traversal lacks variety.' Just... too much water. In a game set on an island. Three words that will follow IGN to the grave and beyond.
You'd think the scar tissue from that humiliation would have taught IGN something about reviewing Pokemon games. You would be wrong. Here we are with Pokemon Legends: Z-A, and IGN has delivered another masterclass in saying nothing with many words. The review calls Lumiose City 'impressive in scale' while noting the game is 'streamlined.' Let me translate from IGN to English: the city is big but empty, and the game is short but they can't say that because The Pokemon Company's PR team is on speed dial.
The 7/10 is doing olympian-level gymnastics. The review spends five paragraphs on what the game does right and two sentences on what it does wrong, yet somehow arrives at 7 — not 8, not 6, but the Goldilocks score that says 'we're slightly disappointed but not enough to upset our most important advertising partner.' It's the same 7 they gave Scarlet and Violet, a game that ran like a slideshow at a funeral. Apparently a Pokemon game needs to literally catch fire in your hands to score below a 7 at IGN.
The too-much-water incident wasn't a one-off. It was a window into how IGN reviews Pokemon: superficially, quickly, and with the critical depth of a puddle. Or should I say — too much puddle. 7.8/10.
