Kotaku called a game 'comfy' and 'satisfying.' We fell asleep reading it.
The Original Review
“Code Vein II emerges as a comfy mix between a Soulslike and a JRPG that makes for a satisfying entry point for folks who want to dip their toes into both genres.”
Mon Dieu. George Yang has blessed us with the most aggressively milquetoast review since someone described vanilla ice cream as 'a pleasant frozen dairy experience.' Code Vein II is 'comfy.' It is 'satisfying.' It is an 'entry point.' These are not adjectives. These are the words of a man trying to describe a beige wall without offending beige.
The review positions Code Vein II as baby's first Souls-like, which is both condescending to the game and its audience. 'For folks who want to dip their toes into both genres' — ah yes, the coveted demographic of people who are somehow interested in both Souls-likes and JRPGs but have never played either. All twelve of them must be thrilled.
The real crime here is that the review acknowledges performance issues and repetitive dungeon design, then waves them away like a sommelier dismissing a corked bottle. 'Worth spilling blood over' — is it, George? Is a game with frame drops and copy-pasted corridors truly worth the metaphorical hemoglobin? In my country we have a saying: if you must qualify your recommendation with caveats, perhaps the recommendation is the caveat. This review has the critical edge of a butter knife at a five-star restaurant. Quelle horreur.
