GameSpot compared Alan Wake 2 to David Lynch. Lynch would sue.

The headline is 'It's Not A Lake, It's An Ocean.' I want you to sit with that for a moment. Marinate in it. A professional games journalist, paid actual money, titled their review with a pun so labored it should qualify for workers' compensation. This is the quality of wordplay we're dealing with, and it only goes downhill from there.

Mark Delaney's review reads like a film studies thesis that accidentally wandered into a gaming website. He spends more time analyzing the 'duality of narrative structure' than discussing whether the game is, you know, fun to play. At one point he compares Remedy's storytelling to David Lynch. Monsieur Delaney, David Lynch would not touch a video game review with a ten-foot pole, and he would certainly not appreciate the comparison.

To his credit, the review does acknowledge the game's performance issues on consoles. But then it waves them away like a sommelier dismissing a corked bottle — 'It doesn't dampen the experience.' It literally dampens the frame rate, Mark. That IS the experience.

A mediocre review of a genuinely interesting game. 5/10 — too busy being clever to be useful.